I have a lot of friends who I enjoy spending time with. I like to have dinner with them, watch films, go to poetry slams, all sorts of stuff. There are however things that I don't particularly enjoying doing with most of my friends.I don't like to walk or travel by train or shop or explore new neighborhoods with most of my friends. There are a select few friends who I enjoy doing these things with. Why?
Because these select few friends and I have mastered the art of non-conversation.
What is the art of non-conversation you say? Well have you ever spent time with someone and felt compelled to fill in the silent moments with conversation. You know, those uncomfortable silences. Well the art of non-conversation is when you no longer feel you have to say something to fill in the quiet moments.
I have a few friends who I can take a walk in a neighborhood that I haven't visited before. I can dart in and out of stores, look at the distinct architecture, people watch or just stroll and I feel totally comfortable doing it in silence.
That isn't to say that these friends and I never say a word. We just feel comfortable enough with each other to not fill in all of the wonderful silent moments. It's nice to be alone with your thoughts and yet not alone at all.
Do you have friends who you can be quiet with? Do you enjoy that as much as I do?
18 comments:
ohhh mdc, good thought:
i do, my partner and i have a relationship in which we have comfortable silence. we are secure with ourselves and our relationship. we have no fears or doubts as to where we stand with each other-so there is more time and energy spent on the positives of our life together. our individual foundations are built on Rock-which has enabled the foundation of our relationship to be built on Rock.
i have a few people i can be this way with-but they are not able to do the same.
it comes from a lack of self-esteem. from knowing oneself deeply-past the surface, and trusting oneself. confidence in oneself is essential for there to be comfortable silence.
doubts and fears make people speak to fill in what they perseve to be voids. and may i add, ego- leads many more to talk in the spaces that have been provided to just rest in.
The comfortable silence is a true sign of good friends. My closest friends fit in to that.
The ones that do not I really consider associates rather than friends.
humm clnmike, that is a good way to look at it, asociates....
it does make sense.
keeps it all in a comfortable balance...
Definitely have friends I can be quiet with but my closest friends all live outside of LA so when we're together, we just talk non-stop.
That's when you know that you and the other person are truly comfortable and at peace with one another.
The silence is understood between the 2 of you and that's a beautiful thing.
It's a rare gift to find friends like this. I think it happens sometimes with a few friends, but I find that often I will need to make a point to go back someplace on my own to enjoy the silence and take pictures.
I like to travel by myself b/c it allows me to really feel the place in my spirit. That's why I like to shop by myself too. I have good friends but most of them are not silent friendships. We usually spend alot of time talking.
Tasha
www.thesowingcircle.blogspot.com
Definitely! My friend from high school Seantel and I are like that.
This is such a beautiful post. I love how you think about the importance of having an inner peace for yourself and that it can be shared with others. Silence can be beautiful.
Hmmm. I commented on this post a day or two ago. I don't know what happened.
But; yes; it's like that with me and my best friend.
It's a special thing; the understood silence.
I can only enjoy silence with a female I've involved with. It's funny how I was just asking a co-worker/friend today @ work if he ever shuts up?!?
I can't even think when I am in the company of people like this. So annoying.
WTM,
"ego- leads many more to talk in the spaces that have been provided to just rest in."
Well said! That should be on a poster or something!
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ClnMike,
I think we all have those kinds of "associates"
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Liz,
I bet those are great conversations. And I also bet you and your really good friends can easily fall back into those comfortable silences.
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Danielle,
It's a very beautiful thing.
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Anali,
That's something I really want to learn to do, take pictures. I'm looking for a hobby, maybe I'll try that.
I bet it's really serene taking pictures.
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Tasha,
One day you will probably have a friend who you can enjoy those silent moments with. They are not easy to find but great to have.
I generally like to shop alone too though.
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Afrodite,
Everyone needs a friend like that.
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TBA,
Lol, how is that possible? It's a new post.
You are lucky to have a friend like that.
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Don,
Lol! I have a friend like that. I can only spend so much time with them before I have to get away!
I've been reading your blog for a few days now and haven't commented until now. I just wanted to say that anyone who knows me, will already know that there will be times that I will be lost in my own thoughts from time to time. They will also know that even though I am not speaking, their presence is never far away from me. So when we continue a conversation that we had had stopped 20 or 30 minutes before, it's just like putting on an old pair of slippers, very comfortable.
If I can't get to that comfort level with someone, then it's very rare that I would consider them as close friend and more of just someone I know.
I love this topic. Its something I think about often but never spoke about (lol)
That is one of the main reasons I don't hang out much-- its too tedious to fill in the gaps of silence. Also some feel obligated to fill it and I just want to be at ease.
Curious,
"They will also know that even though I am not speaking, their presence is never far away from me."
That is the beautiful part of it. I love having that sort of understanding with someone.
Welcome and Thanks for commenting.
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Miriam,
I know exactly how you feel, sometimes it just takes too much energy.
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I'm jealous. None of my friends understand my quiet side; they're all mostly from large families and I'm an only child. Even my oldest friend (over 12 years) thinks that when I get quiet, she has to talk more and faster. Luckily, my family understands.
Nicole,
You know I had not thought about the only child thing. I have an older sister but she is 11 years older than me. So I sort of grew up as an only child. She was away in college by the time I was 7.
It is a good thing your family gets you; in time your friend may become more comfortable with your quiet side.
Thanks for the insight.
I feel so much better knowing that the feeling in that post is not what I thought it was for so long. As I got older I thought it was the "I'm getting older and grumpier" syndrome. Oh I feel much, much better now!! :D
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