My co-worker uncharacteristically kept trying to convince me to go. Okay my curiosity finally made me say yes. The co-worker that was inviting me wouldn't say what was up. I figured that something was going on with a co-worker, an engagement or maybe someone was pregnant.
So off we go. On the way she explained that a friend of hers was going to be joining us. Okay, fine no problem. But she was still be very secretive and all kinds of smiley faced.
Anyway we arrived at the restaurant. It was a really nice French Vietnamese restaurant, I'd been there before and I'd really liked the food. So if nothing else I was going to be able to treat myself to a nice lunch. I would have been eating a soy nut butter and apple butter sandwich on wheat bread, so it was a nice change of pace.
As we walked in the door someone approached us and then hugged my co-worker, this was her friend and we were introduced. I at first didn't really see what her friend looked like because I'm sort of shy and tend not to gaze at people, I'm more likely to avert my eyes. But after we were seated and I was able to take a few glances on the sly I saw that her friend was attractive.
We ordered. I ordered Prawns with mixed vegetables. After I ordered I wondered if eating shrimp was okay since I am now an official vegetarian. I'm pretty sure it isn't but I convinced myself that it was.
My co-worker's friend and I had a nice conversation. I found out that we both were transplants to California. Also that they worked in media, which I used too. And after a bit more of that nervous sort of chit chat we settled into a nice general conversation; politics, weather, high rents in the area, etc.
Okay I'm getting to the good part.
After we had pretty much finished lunch my co-worker said that she needed to go by the post office and suggested that her friend walk me back to work. In case you haven't figured it out, my co-worker was trying to fix me up. Normally I would have been mad, but I wasn't, not at all.
I think I may have sort of shouted a bit when I told her "okay see ya back at work". I was a little excited and nervous. After all it's been a while since I have met someone that I have been interested in, even if I had only known this person for about an hour.
Hey you have to start somewhere right?
As we prepared to leave we all took some money out to cover our bill, my new friend offered to pay for mine. I thought it was a nice gesture but declined. We had just met.
We left and began the walk back to my office. My office is only about five blocks from the restaurant. As we walked we talked about presidential candidates. I talked about my first choice Dennis Kucinich and how I knew he didn't have a choice. And then get this, my new friend said they were going to vote for Romney in the California primary. I'm not kidding!
Of course that led to a discussion of why they supported Romney. I was told that it was a matter of the lesser of several evils. Obama didn't have enough experience, Hillary was too desperate to be President, McCain was too old and Giuliani and Huckabee were both crazy, as far as they were concerned.
Okay well at least some thought went into it.
Soon we were nearing my office and I began to say the usual about how I enjoyed meeting and having lunch. I really meant it though and left a gap in the conversation hoping they would say something about seeing each other again.
Finally as we stopped to wait for a light to change to cross the street my companion turned to me and said, "hey how about I go and get a hotel room and when you get off you can come by and we can spend some more time together".
WHAT?!
I couldn't believe my ears. I felt like I got punched in the stomach. A hotel room? What or who did this person think I was? We have lunch, have a little conversation and I get invited for an after work roll in the hay?
I'm not going to lie I felt like I was going to cry. I felt dirty and I felt disappointed. I know I had just met this person but was my judgement that off? I mean I had no indication that I was going to be propositioned while standing on a street corner less than 2 hours after meeting.
Anyway I didn't even answer, I just walked off. They called out to me, even had the audacity to say 'what's wrong?'. Well if they didn't know there was no point in me telling them.
After I got back to work I was depressed all afternoon. I felt sick, I really did. I wondered what I could have possibly done to get treated like I was a "jump-off". Sorry to use that term but that's how I was made to feel.
I was too embarrassed to even tell my co-worker what happened. I know that she wouldn't have tried to set me up if she had known this person was a loser freak.
I guess I got my hopes up. As I said it's been a while since I've met someone that I really clicked with. Darn I clicked with a pervert!
Was desperate and lonely written on my forehead?!
Anyway I needed to get that out. As I said I didn't feel comfortable telling my co-worker what happened. In fact I kind of avoided her all yesterday afternoon. So I'm sure when I see her she's going to want to 'hear all the details'.
Thanks for listening.
What should I do, tell my co-worker what happened or just pretend nothing did?
Has anyone ever just turned into a crazy freak in a manner of minutes with you?
Has anyone ever just turned into a crazy freak in a manner of minutes with you?
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Update, 10:51 PM: First I want to thank everyone who commented. I read your comments throughout the day and they really helped me put this situation in perspective.
As many of you said, it wasn't my fault. I certainly did not lead anyone on. Anyway I talked to my co-worker as everyone suggested. The conversation went really well. She was shocked to hear what happened. My friend at work is a really sweet person, I never thought she would be party to anything like this. She apologized but I let her know I didn't hold her accountable.
She explained that she didn't know the person in question that well but thought they were "good people". I 'm glad she knows they aren't and I'm glad I talked to her.
It's going to be a while before I want to go on any surprise blind dates that's for sure!
Anyway, thanks again and I left comments for everyone in the comments section!
Hugs to you all!
Update, 10:51 PM: First I want to thank everyone who commented. I read your comments throughout the day and they really helped me put this situation in perspective.
As many of you said, it wasn't my fault. I certainly did not lead anyone on. Anyway I talked to my co-worker as everyone suggested. The conversation went really well. She was shocked to hear what happened. My friend at work is a really sweet person, I never thought she would be party to anything like this. She apologized but I let her know I didn't hold her accountable.
She explained that she didn't know the person in question that well but thought they were "good people". I 'm glad she knows they aren't and I'm glad I talked to her.
It's going to be a while before I want to go on any surprise blind dates that's for sure!
Anyway, thanks again and I left comments for everyone in the comments section!
Hugs to you all!
34 comments:
OMG! Sweetie, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I understand your feelings. I mean what a blindside.
When the co-worker asks what happened, I think I'd tell her exactly what happened. This person will certainly talk to your co-worker about the walk back to work. Who knows what they will say. That's what I'd do, you may want to handle it differently since you know your co-worker.
This woman needs to stop matchmaking if she does not know that a person is a perv.
Sorry I am a man and I am not gay, so I have never been in that position. But you should definitely talk to your co-worker. It will help you to understand what's happened, even if one can't understand that kind of behaviour .But at least she knows him, and she has to know who he really is. Or if she set you up, you have to know who she really is.Good luck though and good day,POWER TO YOU!
Dayum.
I would wonder what thoughts my co-worker put into the mind of his/her friend to get him thinking that asking about a hotel room would be appropriate.
My main advice is to let it go. Enjoy the fact you had a good meal. Enjoy the discussion during lunch. Just wash the jerk's comment out of your system.
My basic theory --> don't let 'em steal your joy!
peace, Villager
Mes Deux Cents I hate that happen to you. Tell your co-worker,she needs to know what type of person her friend is. So she won't fix him up with a Lady.
Wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you! I understand how you're feeling.
I would tell your co-worker what happened. That's something she needs to be aware of.
Tell her, if she didn't know you might be saving someone else from dealing with the same guy, if she did know then you'll find out what kind of person your co-worker is.
Awwwwwwwwwwh, Mes Deux: I totally wanna give you a giant hug. :( {*** giant hug for Mes Deux ***).
Cuz I run my mouth sometimes when I ain't pose to, I would definitely tell my co-worker. We'd gossip about it, talk shit about it and laugh about it and end the conversation that "the loser" totally sucks ass.
Yesh; it has happened to me. A long time ago, in two separate incidents, two people thought they was gon git some azz. When they didn't, in both instances I was dismissed -- and sent home in a cab.
I too, was a Cali transplant. Then I transplanted outta Cali.
Don't feel bad about this. It's just one of those things. And it's no reflection on you in any way, shape or manner.
Like Villager Said: Don't let them steal your joy.
I'm sorry that happened.
My friend went on a date recently with a co-worker. They had their little din din. Next thing you know, he was pulling up to a hotel. My friend wasn't with that. He took her home.
The nerve. HIs thing was, he is a hottie and women want him. My friend did, too, actually. But she is a self-respecting person and wasn't with the program. He was done with her then. Bich still likes him. That's why Ima kick her azzzzzzzz. LOL.
Uh, MD... Pssst. You didn't really get to the good part. Tee hee hee
(hug for Mes Deux)
OMG-people really are something else nowadays!! Think before your speak homie! What's most disturbing is, he more than likely only asked you that ? b/c he's asked another woman before, and she consented, more than likely.
Another reason to add to the list of why I really don't want to get in a relationship/get married anymore...
That's awful. Honestly, I think you should let your co-worker know because she needs to know the kind of person she's friends with. Some people in your position might have held her responsible thinking that you're seen as desperate and not picky, which I'm sure is NOT the case.
Don't make his pathetic demeanor and lack of social etiquette make you feel bad about yourself because you didn't do anything wrong. He's a gaping wide asshole plain and simple.
MDC, I've been there too. It feels yucky and dirty. I am soo soo sorry!
I think you should tell your co-worker and let her know how you felt about it. Maybe she was in on it but then maybe not. But at least she'll know more about you if she's trying to set you up.
That's ridiculous. I am so sorry that happened. And as I was reading I cringed, I mean, physically, because it is such a disgusting thing to happen (and to do to someone else) and at the same time perfectly likely to happen. And then I was pissed--because it is perfectly likely to happen I'm not sure what the hell to do about it. For you or for me or any other woman I know. I hate it.
In solidarity with you....
Oh, MDC. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but be assured, IT IS NOT YOU.
Allow me to make you feel better by sharing some of the highlights of my dating career:
- There was the guy my friends and I still refer to as "DJ Boy." I met him through a set up. He worked in media and I worked in PR. Match made in heaven? Not after he regaled me for hours about his high school career as a DJ, complete with faux scratching and mixing. Then, I discovered this grown ass man with a fancy car lived with his mother. AND he called me a week after we met to ask to borrow $20.
- Oh, then there was the seemingly nice and handsome guy I used to always see at Corner Bakery over lunch. We eventually exchanged numbers, but all he wanted to do from the first call was come over to my place. No date. No get to know ya. Just wanted to lay up. Ummm....NO!
- Oooh! There was that asshat I met at a pub in college. About 20 minutes into the conversation, he offers me the golden opportunity to come over to his place on Sunday during the game, and...I shit you not...cook up the frozen greens and other assorted soul food his grandmama had sent him. When I declined his generosity, he proclaimed: "This is why a black man has to date white girls. Black women don't know how to treat anybody."
Aaaah, good times! You know there are a lot of freak shows on the dating scene. It is hard not to begin doubting yourself, especially as a woman. Society makes us feel like if we aren't hooked up, even with a raggedy ole piece of man, we're less than. But we know that is not true. And I know the person I have met through this blog deserves better than that idiot. Tell your co-worker, file this under "crazy dating stories I can laugh at one day," and keep pushin', girl.
@poitou = "Sorry I am a man and I am not gay, so I have never been in that position."
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i'm just curious, what in the WORLD, does your comment have to do with what she wrote about??
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@mdc...
TELL HER!! your co-worker...
you need to know what is on her mind and she needs to know what this guy said to you!!
then let it go! STAND and SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF.
there is something going on for sure--and even if she can't give you a straight answer--she will know--that you will not stand for _hit like that.
it could have been a test/trick--or done from her ignorance of her friends! she knows him--and if she doesn't --she needs to have the discernment to see through foolishness.
again, TELL HER!! then let it be.
they came into your space with this mess..
Above all things, don't be sad, or start to pity yourself and your life-- things happen for a reason... be mature and ask her about what is his problem--and ask what was she trying to do and why she picked him?
you are stronger than this mess!
if you don't ask her you will add this in to your spirit and heart and it will hurt more later.
one more thing,,,thank God that this fool was revealed to you before any more "lost time" was created.
and that you have a different understanding of this co-worker...these are blessings mdc--
it's nothing so bad about what he did--he is what he is! and be grateful that you have the dignity and self-love that you do, so that you don't think you have to take the trash that is put in front of you!
but TELL HER !!!!!!
LOL
you have to go through what you don't want to get to what you do want! basically, it could happen again--don't let it rub you the wrong way--there is wisdom to be learned here....
Peace Sis,
I usually just read but I FELT more than the need to write this time.
One....Tell her and get her take.
Two....had to read through twice to catch your perspection.
I have to ask ....
did he look at you crazy, did he touch you weird or did he do anything else other then aks to spend more time with you?
My first read through I was like hmmm look he wants to truly get to know her.
Living in the DC area where commutes can change your entire being I would not think it too odd for someone to say hey lets hang a little more here in town. Of course I was not there nor do I know either of you but the hotel is just a place that can be made out to be something, nothing or anything.
Would it had been any different if he said come have dinner at my house tonight?
I prefer neutral places to meet and chat or eat. I would have ask the purpose or point prior to walking away sick!!
Just my copper input two times!!
TL
Wow! MDC! I'm sorry. Yeahm you and old girl need to have a chat. Sounds like she was pimping for some odd reason. Damn.
You handled that mess with class and dignity. I co-sign with everyone else, that is not about you at all, some people have sense at all. That is not your fault because you were just being yourself, he's just a creep.
Definitely tell your co-worker because she needs to know what type of guy he really is and not fix him up with anyone else. Unfortunately a lot of men turn out to be sex-obsessed creeps but you've no way of predicting until they try to jump you. Nothing to do with your behaviour I'm sure, he'll jump on any woman he can. A nasty experience.
Mes, I am sorry that happened to you.
I do have a question. Was the friend a guy or a girl???
aw man what a disappointment! so bummed. it's rough when you finally meet someone that's interesting and then they go f it up with talks of sex. blah.
tell your friend so they can at least know how their friend gets down. booo!
*hug*
e.
First, don't ever let someone else's craziness make you question yourself. 99.9% of the crazy things people say and do have nothing to do with who they're saying and doing them to - and everything to do with themselves. His behavior was not about you.
Second, I would definitely talk to the coworker about it. She needs to know before she fixes him up with anyone else.
Lastly, just a question... Is there any way that maybe he was just joking? I mean, if he was as nervous as you, he might have blurted that out thinking it was funny. I have definitely known some men (and a few women) who, when nervous tend to blurt out their wildest fantasy as a joke - thinking it's a humorous way to break the tension.
Could it be that he was voicing wishful thinking, and trying to be funny - but not actually propositioning you?
Why couldn't your co-worker have asked you first? That was rather sneaky (and rude). It's not like the guy is a gift-wrapped treat.
Oh wait, maybe they thought he was!
Going by this post alone it doesn't sound like you two are close. Tell her how it went, although I suppose she might ask first.
How you felt afterwards is understandable. There are no social boundaries today: anything goes.
Can't trust folks as far as you can throw them.
>>Was desperate and lonely written on my forehead?!
I usually wonder if I'm wearing a bullseye. Sad to tell you but BET and the media have done us (black women) in.
I think this guy felt what he did was "ordinary" - a lot of women probably say yes.
MDC,
Sorry that happened to u. I have been propositioned for sex after one date too. And he didn't even pay for it. But he probably had aked women this before and they probably had agreed. It seems to me that these days its hard to find men who don't expect to have sex after knowing u for two minutes. But don't let that get u down. Anddefinately tell ur co-worker about it.
Tasha
www.thesowing circle.blogpot.com
I'd tell the co-worker as well MDC. Like someone else said, you two aren't that close, so noothing to lose as I see it. Never been in quite that situation but I feel sorry for those who are and it's not their thing.
Take care and chin up.
Di
Oh and about that shrimp, you're not a Vegan, so I thought it would be allowed, no?? Please let me know as I would like some advice on the vegetarian lifestyle. You know how to contact me. ;) (I think)
MDC, Pitiful! Call me shallow, but his support of Mitt Romney should have told you something. I definitely applaud you for being open to his rationale, but DAMN! I, too, think you should tell your co-worker.
Steal away (your spirit), you're much to special to be subjected to this type of disrespectful behavior.
MDC,
On another note, I'll agree to post about gardening if you will post about your decision to become a vegetarian. I have toyed with idea and bought a few books.
To answer your question and Lady Di's:
Vegetarians do not eat any meat...that includes fish. If you eat fish, you are a pescatarian.
Vegans eat no animal products whatsoever. So, in addition to no meat, no diary, no eggs, no gelatin, etc.
Anyway, I'd like to hear more about it. Is your choice animal rights or health focused or maybe both?
MDC: Yes ma'am you need to tell your friend, and if you don't - I will! I don't know how. . . maybe I will put an add in all the papers in California. .. of course I'd have to use your pen name, but when I explained the scene. . . the co-worker will figure it out!!! :)
What a jerk!!! I loved your response, though, it was priceless. . .
Unbelievable! At least you found out before you got involved with this person. I would have been thinking it was not a match as soon as I learned how they felt about Romney! He ruined our state!! And definitely tell your co-worker!
I hope you are feeling better tomorrow. Well, today now. It's a new day. ; )
Jackie,
Oh my it was a total blindside! Yeah her match-making skills are not too good.
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Poitou,
I hope that you have never been hit in the head with a hammer, but I'm sure you can imagine how it feels. No? Lol
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Villager,
It wasn't my co-workers doing. She was blindsided too.
I have my joy back!
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JJ B,
You are so right.
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NBW,
Thanks :)
It's a bad feeling isn't it?
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HC,
So true, I wouldn't want anyone else to go through this!
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Baby Please,
OMG he actually just pulled up to the hotel! That is so bold and crazy!
Thanks for the hug!
"Uh, MD... Pssst. You didn't really get to the good part. Tee hee hee" Lol ;)
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Randi,
I know it's SCARY out there!
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Blu Jewel,
I felt bad but I feel much better now. I know it wasn't my fault.
Thanks
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Miriam,
It did feel sooo yucky! That is the perfect description!
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Kismet.4,
You’re right apparently this happens all the time to women.
Thanks
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Tami,
I hope you gave him a nice long dial tone to listen after calling you for $20 bucks! There are some serious loonies out there!
Oh my No way he asked you to come over and COOK! That is crazy!!!
Thanks:)
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WTM,
No it wasn't a trick. She had no idea what happened. She's a good person that was trying to do a good deed. And you know what they say; no good deed goes unpunished. Lol
And you are right, I could have found out after the 3rd or 4th date, what a waste of time that would have been!
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TL,
If I had been invited to their place I would have said no, it wouldn't have been as bad as being asked to a hotel though.
I agree neutral places for a while until I get to know the person.
Thanks for commenting! :)
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Professor Tracey,
Yeah I know it wasn't my fault now, but immediately after I felt terrible!
Thanks
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Nick,
It couldn't have been me. We were just having general conversation, so I totally agree with you. There are just some very creepy people in the world.
They should have to wear special ID badges! Lol
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Attorney Mom,
Lol, you are such an attorney! Why would you ask that?
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e,
Your right, it was a big disappointment.
Thanks for the hug! :)
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FL,
Nope, it wasn't a joke. I would have detected that, even if it was a bad joke.
But I know what you are saying.
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GoldenAh,
She wasn't trying to be sneaky, she was trying to be a sweet person, and it just backfired.
You are so right about BET and other media making us out to be something we are not. That's why I hate BET and no longer have cable!
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Tasha,
Yeah I know I'm not the only one, and that's a shame that we have to go through stuff like this.
Thanks
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Lady Di,
Tami answered my/ our question in her comment below. I'm going to post about it soon. Stay tuned!
I'll stop by you blog! Thanks.
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Mango Mama,
Lol, you're right about the Romney thing. But it seemed well thought out or maybe I wanted to make excuses at that moment. Lol
Thanks for your kind words!
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Thanks for clearing that up; I guess I have a decision to make.
And deal, I'll post about it next week. I can't wait to read your (series) of gardening posts! Lol
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Hi Lisa,
Lol, I bet you would! I'm just glad I can put it behind me and chalk it up to experience.
Thanks!
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Anali,
I know I sort of made an excuse for the Romney thing. By the way I think Romney is going to win the republican nomination, he's the only one with any money left.
Thanks, I feel much better!
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MDC - oh I loved reading that follow-up, not in red though. It hurt an ole gurl's eyes. (laughs) Anyhow, I am ever so glad this worked out for you. I feel better that you told her than to have walked AROUND her walking AROUND it. ;)
To Tami - I thank you kindly for the information as I want to transition as well. Now where exactly, well, this blog is not mine sooooo... At least I know the proper terminology and I'm off and net running for some more info on that 'p' word I don't feel like scrolling back up to retype now. :P
Good wee morn all!!
LOL. The reason I asked about the sex of the offender is because you did not use any pronouns when referring to him or her. : - ) In addition, some of the comments confused me about the gender of the offender. I reread the post and still was confused. LOL.
Notwithstanding my confusion and inquisitive mind, I am glad you addressed your concerns with your co-worker. Keep your head up.
Attorney Mom,
Lol Thanks...
Too bad this person didn't think much of themselves, then tried to include you in those poor thoughts.
Supreme1,
Thanks and I agree.
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