Friday, December 7, 2007

My darn stupid heart...

I have a broken heart. I've had it for a long time but I've been ignoring it. Recently I did something to bring it back into my thoughts. I stupidly googled my exes name. I've done this before and nothing ever came up. So when I googled their name this time I fully expected nothing to come up.

Unfortunately for me this time was different. Not only did my search have a result but it was a short blurb in an article that mentioned my ex and the new (great) job they have now. And there was a picture and in the article it said the my ex was now living in the Far East.

So this new info sent me in an emotional dose dive for about 24 hours.

The real upsetting part is that when the relationship ended I didn't know really why it ended. The reasons stated were very cryptic. And during that time in my life I was very career driven and going through a 'I'm independent and therefore I don't really need anyone' phase.

Okay so now I'm not in that phase anymore and I really miss this person. I think that this was THE relationship in my life. So now all I have left are memories and anger at myself for letting it go so easily.

There is nothing I can do about this relationship now. Too many years have passed. I think that there was a window of opportunity for me after it ended but I was too proud to make the first move. So now I am taking inventory of my life and I realize that the decisions I have made in the last 10 years are a result of the relationship ending.

For instance I have absolutely no reason to be here in California. When the relationship ended I was living in North Carolina and I in a fit of impulsiveness quit my job and moved 3000 miles to a city where I knew absolutely no one.

I am living 3000 miles from my friends and family and wanting to punch myself in the neck! What the heck was I thinking? I guess that's the point, I wasn't thinking. I was trying to show my ex that oh well the relationship ended, life goes on I'm moving on literally and figuratively.

I have to re-evaluate my entire life. I don't want to be here in California. But I also don't want to make another geographic move based on emotion either.

There is not going to ever again be a relationship between me and my ex. I have to say that to myself over and over. I more than likely will never even talk with my ex ever again. So now what?

I have to repair my darn broken heart. I have to really move on because I've been lying to myself. I have to make room in my heart so that it can be open to someone else. I'm tired of this baggage and I really have to let it go!

Any advice?

I wrote and posted this in September about this former relationship;


Rue Something
ByMes Deux Cents


A half eaten memory
a memory I thought I would have time to develop
a whisper forgotten and remembered

I miss you
that's simple to say
so hard to feel

I thought I'd never need to remember
each day would be a new
but you disappeared

and now I'm left with
just a half eaten memory

a whiff of something that I recognize
but nothing I can consume

What was that street
in Paris
Rue something?

I sent your letters there
I've lost the ones you sent me

A half eaten memory
that's what you are
I want more

I thought maybe I would send you a letter
but you've moved on I'm sure
moved on maybe five times more

I'm now maybe five times removed from your memory
just a half eaten memory

I want to say I love you
but I'd feel stupid

I want to see
see what you've become
become something that sprung in part from me

I feel so hungry
and all I have is a half eaten memory
some street in Paris

Rue something




13 comments:

Anonymous said...

my advice--hobbies! great distractions, even if they're temporary. get into something you've thought about trying more than once and just dive into that. feelings for an old flame are going to crop up eventually, don't let it consume you, it's temporary. so, go take a dance class or knitting class or jewelry making, something...

Xcentric Pryncess said...

The poem is beautiful, I also have a broken heart and they are truly hard to mend....but it can be done...there is someone for each of us...I hope

SheWhoLives said...

What a moving post. Lovely poem too... very heartfelt.

I wish I had the wise words for you, MDC. But in truth, I have very little. I too have been nursing a broken heart for a looooooong time and am oh-so-achingly slowly putting myself back together.

All I can suggest? Do nice things for other people. And like browngirl said, find constructive hobbies and interests (thank God for blogging! ;-) ). Treat yourself well. Interact with other people and laugh and talk and learn as much as you can. But most of I guess... have faith. Believe in the wisdom of the universe that you are worthy of a wonderful relationship and everything will happen (and has happened) exactly as it's meant to.

Much love to you :-)

Tami said...

Oh, MDC...that poem was beautiful.

Tonight, get a bottle of Reisling, a pint of Haagan Dazs, and put Love is a Losing Game on repeat and have a good cry.

Tomorrow, dry your eyes, straighten up and keep on going. It doesn't do to wallow for too long. Earlier this week, I heard someone say: "Don't drag yesterday into today. You'll miss the awesomeness of the present by dwelling on the past." I thought it was pretty good advice and it made me feel better on a day I was pretty crabby.

For whatever reason, your old relationship was not meant to be. There is no point in holding on to guilt or placing blame. I'm sure the universe has some wonderful love waiting for you in the future. When that person shows up, you don't want the ghost of your ex taking up their space. So let your ex go. If the relationship is written in the stars, it will be back again. If not, it won't.

Oh, and a last bit of advice from Tami the Love Doctor: Don't ever fall prey to urges to Google exes, just to see...No good ever comes of that. Ditto, drunken late night phone calls and drive bys.

Feel better, MDC.

Lady O said...

Mes Deux Cents,If I may add this,
these are not my words, but you might find it helpful. It is simple, yet there is good message within it. Also before I post the quote, when I find myself missing an ex or kicking myself because I initiated the breakup, that is usually a sign that I am ready to share my heart again with someone and the only reason I rememer my ex in those moment is because I remember how divine his touch was despite the faulty relationship. But I assure you, if you dug back in your garbage as my mother says when we backtrack to our ex-beaus, you would soon remember why you felt the need to leave the first time. Anyway here is the quote:“One day it is going to be clear as a bell to you. Men and women are puzzle pieces. No two pieces are alike, they’ve got all those different sides and shapes, jagged and smooth, but when there’s a fit, when that piece goes with the other, the search is over, it’s done. You don’t have to pull it back apart and try it again to make sure it works. It either does or it doesn’t, there’s no guessing. Now if another piece comes along, it’ll fit the other side, maybe if it’s a corner piece, or a center piece, it may have three or four different pieces it goes with to make the picture come to life. Each piece is vital to the next. Do you understand what I am saying? Other pieces may fit, but none can take the place of the other.”
~Trisha R. Thomas from the novel Nappily Ever After (the book was ok). Every situation has its place.

Mes Deux Cents said...

Browngirl,

Hobbies, now that's a good idea. I've been wanting to learn how to quilt. So maybe now’s a good time!

Thanks



Xcentric Pryncess,

Thanks and I think you are right, they can mend.




Shelly,

"Do nice things for other people."

That's a good suggestion. It's the holidays so I've already volunteered to help at a dinner for the needy on this Tuesday. Maybe I'll find more to do.

Thanks




Tami,

Mmmm Haagen Dazs! That might do the trick. (lol)

"Don't ever fall prey to urges to Google exes, just to see...No good ever comes of that. Ditto, drunken late night phone calls and drive bys."

(lol) thanks for the laugh there, I needed it! No more googling for me!

And you're right, it wasn't meant to be. I have to keep repeating that.

Thanks




Our Spin On It,

"when I find myself missing an ex or kicking myself because I initiated the breakup, that is usually a sign that I am ready to share my heart again with someone"

Thanks for that. That may be the case with me now. I hope so.

And thanks for the quote.

Brown Love said...

MDC: If you love something, set it free. . . if it comes back, it was meant to be. . .I know you've heard that a million times, but I think it applies here as well. I don't really believe that there is a such thing as "the" person for us -

I LOVE the poem - you and Amber have much talent :)

Mes Deux Cents said...

Lisa,

Thanks for the words. You're right thankfully there are more "the" persons out there than just one.

And I think that Amber has me beat. Her poem is far beyond her years. But she has a great mom so I'm not surprised.


Thanks

Ehav Ever said...

Sometimes it also a matter of remembering that just as you have a past you also have a future. I believe that we make our own destinies. So you can't change the past, you can only deal with your present and your future.

Maybe it is also a matter of thinking back over the good in your life and remembering that your life has purpose. You are who you are now, and you can become so many things.

Other times it is a matter of looking back over the good things people feel about you. Look at what effects your blog has had, and remember that you have worth beyond that of gold and silver.

All the advice you have been is great, and the only thing that I would add is this. If where you are is not where you want to be, and who you are is not who you want to be. Take some time to yourself to research and find where you want to be and who you want to be.

I hope that you find the path that is right for you to mend your heart.

Miriam said...

Hi MDC,

My two shekels..

Every place has a mazal -a flow. Maybe for you, California was / is a place of solace and calmness -what you needed then. Did you indeed find solace?

if so, then your internal compass is intact, and the "what to do now? Where to go from here?" questions will best be answered by that same internal compass that has been guiding you. May it be well for you!

I sincerely wish you luck, my sister!

Mes Deux Cents said...

Ehav,

"Maybe it is also a matter of thinking back over the good in your life and remembering that your life has purpose."

That is good advice. sometimes I forget to do that.

Thanks




Miriam,

Wow thanks for sharing that. I guess I did find what I needed here initially. I suppose my internal compass is telling me that I'm done here and to move on.

Thanks Miriam that felt like a mini therapy session.

Monica Roberts said...

Ms Deux,
Once your heart tells you that you're done with the spiritual reevaluation and introspection, if you're ready, consider getting back inro the dating game.

But if you're considering relocating, you may want to wait until you've moved to your new city to do that.

Mes Deux Cents said...

Hi Monica,

I don't think I'm done with the introspection, but I think I'm starting to get some answers.

You're right about dating, I should and I will probably wait until I get where ever I'm going.


Thanks

MDC's Library

1720 Entertainment (1) 1983 DeTomaso Pantera (1) 2007 (1) 2007 Best Videos (1) 2007 Track and Field World Championships (4) 2007 WNBA Conference Finals (1) 2007 WNBA Finals (5) 2007 WNBA Western Conference Finals (1) 2007 World Track and Field Championships (1) 2008 Beijing Olympic Games (1) 2008 Grammy Awards (2) 2008 Presidential Race (28) 2008 Resolutions (1) 2008 Super Bowl (1) 3 A.M. (1) 3LW- No More (1) 59th Street Bridge (1) 7 Star Hotel (1) 7 Train (2) A Beautiful Face (2) A Beautiful Picture (131) A Cute Picture (1) A funny picture (2) A House is not a Home (1) A Rainy Day (1) A Raisin in the Sun (1) A Tribe Called Quest Leaders of the New School (1) A Week Of Positive Blogging (9) A-Ha - Take On Me (1) Aaliyah (7) Aaliyah - Christmas in Washington (1997) (1) Aaliyah We Miss You (1) Africa (1) African American Aviation (1) African American Churches (1) African American Enslavement (1) African American History (3) African American Men (1) African Americans and Cable T.V. (2) Agra (1) Airbus A380 (1) Al B. Sure - Nite And Day (1) Albuquerque (1) Alexander O'Neal and Cherelle - Saturday Love (1) Alice Smith (4) Alice Smith - Dream (Live) (1) Alicia Keys (7) Alicia Myers - I Want To Thank You (1) Allegory (1) Allyson Felix (3) AM Radio (1) Amazon.com (1) Amel Larrieux (2) America Ferrera (1) Amii Stewart - Knock on Wood (1) Amsterdam (2) Amtrak (1) Amy Winehouse (7) Amy Winehouse - Love Is A Losing Game (1) Amy Winehouse - Moody's Mood For Love (1) and Mary (1) And this is what I think about that... (1) Angel Lola Luv (2) Angela Bofill - I Try (1) Angela Y Davis (1) Angelina-Jolie (2) Antarctica (1) Arbor Day (1) Arc de Triomphe (2) Aresenio Hall (1) Aretha Franklin - Bridge Over Troubled Water (1) Aretha Franklin - Until You Come Back To Me (1) Arizona (1) Arrested Development - Tennessee (1) Art (3) Ask This Black Woman (1) Assata Shakur Part One (1) Assata Shakur Part Two (1) Astoria (1) Athletics (1) Atlanta (4) Attallah Shabazz (1) August 28 - 1963 (1) Australia (2) Autumn (1) Aviation (1) Bad Photoshopping (1) Balances By Nikki Giovanni (1) Bandy Bandy (1) Barack and Michelle (1) Barack Obama (11) Barak Obama (2) Barbara Mason - Another Man (1) Bart Simpson (1) Basia - New Day for You (1) Beautiful Earth (1) Beautiful Italy (1) Beautiful Moon Over Spain (1) Beautiful Photo (1) Beautiful Puerto Rico (1) Beautiful Rome (1) Before dawn (1) Being Prepared (1) Belgium (1) Ben Harper (1) Benazir Bhutto (2) Bermuda (1) Bessie Coleman (1) BET (1) BET/ Viacom (7) Beverly Johnson (1) BeyoncĆ© (1) Bill Clinton (1) Bill Cosby (1) Bill O'Reilly (1) Billary (3) Billet-doux (1) Billie Holiday (2) Bills (1) Billy Ocean - Caribbean Queen (1) Birthdays (1) Black and Green Flag (1) Black Blog Rankings (2) Black Fire White Fire (1) Black History Month (21) Black Sea (1) Black Women (3) Black Women Vote (1) Black Women's Roundtable (1) Black-Eyed Peas (1) BlackAndMarriedWithKids (1) Blogger Protest (3) Blogger Tag (4) Blogging (14) Blogging Break (1) Blogs I love (2) Blogs I Read (3) BlogTalkRadio (1) BOB (Bombs Over Baghdad) (1) Bob Marley (1) Bob Marley - Redemption Song (1) Bob Marley and The Wailers (1) Bobby Caldwell What You Won't Do For Love (1) Bobby Womack - If You Think You're Lonely Now (1) Bonnie Raitt - Something To Talk About (1) Books (3) Bora Bora French Polynesia (1) BoringBlackChick (2) Boston (3) Boycotts (1) Boz Scaggs - Lowdown (1) Brandy - I Wanna Be Down (1) Brasil (1) Breast Cancer (1) Brehat Island (1) Britney Spears (1) Brixton (1) Brooklyn Bridge (1) Browngirl (1) Brownstone (2) Brussels at Nightfall (1) Brussels Belgium at night (1) Bucky Done Gun (1) Buenos Aires At Night (1) Burj Al-Arab Hotel (1) Burqa (1) Bus (2) Bush Clinton Dynasty (2) C-Bank - One more shot (1) Cable T.V. (1) CafĆ© Society (1) California (3) California Attorney General (1) Calloway with The Nicholas Brothers - Jumpin' Jive (1) Cape Town SA (1) Cappie Pondexter (6) Carnival (2) Cathay Williams (1) CBS Corp. (1) Celia Cruz (1) Cell Phones (1) Central Park at Night (1) Chaka Khan (1) Champagne (1) Champs-ElysĆ©es (1) Change featuring Luther Vandross - The Glow Of Love (1) Character Corner (2) Charles Barkley (1) Charlotte - North Carolina (1) Cheaters (1) Chemotherapy (1) Cheryl Lynn - Encore (1) Chesapeake Bay Bridge (1) Chic - I Want Your Love (1) Chicago (2) Chicago at night (1) China (3) China's Support Of Genocide In Dafur (2) Chris Isaac - Wicked Game (1) Chrisette Michelle (1) Christina Aguilera - Beautiful (1) Christine Arron (1) Christine Beatty (1) Christmas (8) Christmas Day (2) Christmas Music (3) Christmas Party (1) Christopher Williams - I'm Dreamin' (1) Chubb Rock - Treat 'em Right (1) Chudney Ross (1) Church (1) Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1) Ciara - Get Up (1) Cindy Blackman (1) Cities (2) Cities I like (1) Clear Channel Communications (1) Cloned Meat (1) Club Nouveau - Why you treat me so bad (1) College (1) Colonel Abrams -Trapped (1) Color Preference Test (1) Comment War (1) Comments (2) Common Sense (1) Community (1) Conflict (1) Consumerism (1) Conya Doss (1) Cora Brown (1) Corinne Bailey Rae (1) Corinne Bailey Rae - Like A Star (1) Corrine Bailey Rae (1) Costa Rica (1) Country Music (1) Courtney and Angela (1) Crazy Comments (1) Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising (1) Crime (1) Cristal champagne (1) Cuba (2) Culture (1) Cynda Williams - Harlem Blues (1) Cynthia Tucker (2) Dallas (2) Dana Owens (1) Dance Theatre of Harlem (1) Dance Thursday Rerun with the Lockers (1) Dance Thursday The Challenge - Gregory Hines and Sammy Davis (1) Darfur (1) Das Efx - They Want Efx (1) dave brubeck take five (1) Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me (1) De La Soul - Me (1) DeBarge - Stay With Me (1) Debit Card (1) Debra Laws with Ronnie Laws - Special (1) Deele - Two Occasions (1) Delaware State University (1) Delegates Count (1) Dennis Edwards - Don't Look Any Further (1) Dennis Kucinich (1) Denroy Morgan - I'll Do Anything for You (1) Denzel (3) Deon Estus (1) Destiny's Child (1) Detroit (1) Detroit Shock (1) Dexter Gordon (1) Diana and Flo (1) Diana Taurasi (2) Did you know (1) Dionne Farris - Hopeless (1) Dionne Warwick (1) DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince - Summertime (1) DJ Kool - Let Me Clear My Throat (1) DjennĆ© (1) Donny Hathaway - This Christmas (1) Dorothy Dandridge (1) Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band - Sunshower (1) DST (1) Dubai (1) DĆ¼sseldorf by Night (1) Economy (1) Ecuador (1) Eddie Murphy (1) Eddy Grant - Electric Avenue (1) Edmonia Lewis (1) Edwyn Collins - A Girl Like You (1) Egypt (1) Ehav Ever (1) Eiffel from the Seine River (1) Elaine Brown (1) Electronic Village (3) email (1) En Vogue - Hold On (1) Enigma - Sadness (1) Enya - Orinoco Flow (1) Erykah Badu (2) ESPN (1) Essence (1) Essential Presence (5) Ethiopia (2) Etienne Aigner (1) EurWeb.com (1) Eve - Tambourine (1) Evelyn "Champagne" King - Betcha She Don't Love You (1) Exploitation (1) Fabulous Is A Choice (1) Faith Evans - You Used To Love Me (1) Fall (1) Fall Fashion (1) Falling In Love (1) FAME (1) Family (1) Fashion (1) Faux - Heterosexuality (1) FCC (1) Feelings (1) Fiji Islands (2) File (1) Film (3) Final Post For Now (1) Finding Jesus (1) Five Questions (1) Five Star - Let Me Be the One (1) Flashdance (1) Flava Flav (1) Flea Markets (2) Floetry (1) Floods Across Africa (1) FM Radio (1) Fog (2) Fond Memories (1) Fonda Rae - Over Like a Fat Rat (1) Food (3) Food Recall (1) Force MD's - Tender Love (1) France (2) Frances Ellen Watkins Harper (2) Frank (1) Frankie Crocker (1) Frankie Smith - Double Dutch Bus (1) Freddie Jackson - Rock Me Tonight (1) Freetown Christiania (1) Frida Kahlo (1) Friday Rare Groove: Chuckii Booker - Turned Away (1) Friday Rare Groove: Joyce Sims - All and All (1) Friendship (2) Fruit (1) Fugees (2) Gene Anthony Ray (1) General Electric (1) Genocide (1) George Bush (2) George Kranz - Din Da Da (1) Germany (1) Gibson Brothers - Cuba (1) Giovanca -Joyride (1) Girls (1) Giving (1) Glamour Magazine (1) Global Warming (1) Goapele (1) Goapele - Closer (1) Golden Globes (1) Good Morning America (1) GOP (1) Government (5) Grace Jones - Pull Up To The Bumper (1) Greece (1) Greenwich Village (1) Gregory Abbott - Shake You Down (1) Groceries (1) Groove Theory (1) Gulf of Tonkin (1) Gwen Guthrie - It Should Have Been You (1) Gwen Stefani (1) Hair (1) Halifax (1) Hall and Oates - I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) (1) Halle Berry (1) Halloween (1) Hanukkah (1) Happiness (1) Happy Birthday Aaliyah... (1) Happy New Year 2008 (2) Harajuku Girls (1) Harajuku Station (1) Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes (1) Harper's Bazaar Japan (1) Havana (1) Havana Cuba (2) HBCU (2) Heaven Help Me (1) heteronyms (1) heterophones (1) HickTownPress (1) Highland Ave (1) Hillary Clinton (5) Hip Hop (2) Hip Hop Be Bop (Don't Stop) (1) Hippies (1) Historic Moments (1) Holiday (3) Holland (1) Hollywood Blvd (1) Hollywood CA (1) Home (2) Homeland Security (1) HomelandColors (2) Homophones (1) Hong Kong At Night (2) Hootie And The Blowfish - Hold My Hand (1) Hope That We Can Be Together Soon (1) House Party - Dance off: Kid and Play (Music: Ain't My Type Of Hype - Full Force) (1) Houses (1) Human League - Don't You Want Me Baby (1) Hurricane Katrina (1) Hwy 101 (1) I Am Legend (1) I Hate Rap Rant (1) I have a question (3) I hope (1) I Love Music (1) I smell the 80's (1) I Want This (1) Ibiza Spain (1) Iceland (1) Idioms (1) If you love me (1) IFC (1) Imagination - Just an Illusion (1) Iman (1) Indai.Arie (1) Indeep - Last Night A DJ Saved My Life (1) India (1) Indian Ocean (1) Inner City - Big Fun (1) Inner Life - I'm caught up (1) Interesting Music (1) Interesting Photo (1) Interestingness (1) Iowa (2) ipod (3) Iran (1) Irene Morgan Kirkaldy (1) Isiah Thomas (1) Isla Verde Beach (1) It's In The eyes (1) It's Ndel's World; You're Just Reading It (1) Italy (1) itunes (1) Jackie Moore - This Time Baby (1) Jade - Don't Walk Away (1) Jamaica (1) James "D-Train" Williams- Keep On (1) James Brown Lyrics - Say It Loud (I'm Black and I'm Proud) (1) Jamiroquai - Space Cowboy (1) Janelle MonĆ”e (1) Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation (1) January 16 (1) Japan (1) Jay Z (1) jazzfm (1) Jazzyfatnastees (1) Jean Baylor (1) Jean-Michel Basquiat (1) Jeb Bush In 2012 (1) Jeff Goldblum (1) Jena6 (1) Jennifer Beals (2) Jermaine Jackson - Do What You Do (1) Jermaine Stewart - Word is Out (1) Jimmy Jam (1) Jimmy Scott (1) Joan Armatrading (5) Joan Armatrading - Love And Affection (1) Jody Watley Still a Thrill (1) Joe Public - Live and learn (1) Joe Ski Love - Pee Wee Dance (1) Joffrey Ballet (1) John Coltrane (2) John Edwards (1) John Howard Payne (1) John Legend Corinne Bailey Rae (1) John McCain (1) John Wayne (1) Johnny Was (1) Jonathan Butler - Lies (1) Jr. (1) Jr. from the film Tap (1) Juanita Bynum (1) Judge Hatchett (1) Juneteenth (1) Junior - Mama Used To Say (1) JURNEE SMOLLETT (1) Justice (1) Justin D. Ross (1) Kamala Harris (1) Kano - I'm Ready (1) Karen Alexander (1) Karen Young - Hot Shot (1) Karyn White featuring Babyface - Love Saw It (1) Kashif and Meli'sa Morgan - Love Changes (1) Kathleen Neal Cleaver (1) Kauai Hawaii (1) keith sweat - Make it Last Forever feat Jackie McGhee (1) Kelis - Caught Out There (1) Kenya (2) Keyshia Cole (1) KFC (1) Kiva (1) Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express (1) Kuala Lumpur (1) Kuala Lumpur Malaysia (1) Kumari Fulbright (1) Kwanzaa (1) La Flavour - Mandolay (1) Labor Day (1) Laguna Beach (1) Lake Como (1) Lake Michigan (1) Lake Powell (1) Las Vegas Nevada (1) Latin Quarter (1) Lauren Hill (1) Lauryn Hill (2) Lauryn Hill - Little Drummer Boy (1) Law Enforcement (1) Led Zeppelin (1) Led Zeppelin - All My Love (1) Ledisi (2) Leela James (1) Leela James - Music (1) Left Eye (1) Lennox Lewis (1) Lenny Kravitz (2) Lenny Kravitz - Are you Gonna go my way featuring Cindy Blackman on Drums (1) Les Champs-ƉlysĆ©es (1) Les Nubians (1) Lily Allen (1) Link-O-Rama (22) Lisa Bonet (2) Lisa Fischer - How Can I Ease The Pain (1) Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam - Lost in Emotion (1) Lisa Stansfield - All Around The World (1) Lisbon Portugal (1) List (1) Lists (3) Live Concert (2) Living Out Loud (1) Liya Kebede (3) LL Cool J - I Need Love (1) Local News (1) Local Radio (1) Locavore (1) London (2) Long lost Friends (1) Loose Ends - Slow down (1) Lorraine Hansberry (1) Los Angeles at night (1) Los Angelista's Guide To The Pursuit Of Happiness (2) Love (2) Love De-Luxe - Here comes that sound (1) Love is alosing game (1) LTD - (Everytime I Turn Around) Back In Love Again (1) Luther Vandross (5) Luther Vandross - Your Secret Love (1) Lydia Abarca (1) M.I.A. (Maya Arulpragasam) (1) M|A|R|R|S - Pump Up the Volume (1) Machine (1) Madison (1) Mahalia Jackson - Amazing Grace (1) Major Harris (1) Major Robert Henry Lawrence (1) Malcolm and Betty (1) Malcolm and Martin (1) Malcolm Mclaren - Buffalo Girls (1) Mali (1) Man Parrish (1) March on Washington (1) Mardi Gras (1) Mariah Carey - Vision of Love (2) Mariah Carey - We Belong Together (1) Marion Jones (4) Marlena Shaw (2) Marshall Jefferson - Move your Body (1) Martha's Vineyard (1) Martin and Coretta (1) Martin Laurence (1) Martinique (1) Marvin Gaye (1) Mary J Blige - Just Fine (1) Mary J. Blige (1) Matisyahu (1) Matisyahu King Without A Crown (Live At Stubb's) (1) Maui (1) Mauritius (1) Mavericks Surf Contest (1) Maxi Priest - Close to you (1) Maxwell - Ascension (Don't Ever Wonder) (1) Maze (1) Maze featuring Frankie Beverly - Joy and Pain (1) MC Hammer (1) MC Lyte - Lyte As A Rock (1) McFadden and Whitehead - Aint No Stopping Us Now (1) MDC Dictionary (1) Me (1) Media (15) Media hearings Negative Depictions of African American Women (1) Mel and Kim - Showing Out (1) Mes Deux Cents (1) Meseret Defar (1) Meshell Ndegeochello (1) Mexico (1) MFSB - Love Is The Message (1) Miami at night (1) Michael Jackson (1) Michael Jackson - Ben (1) Michael Vick (3) Midnight Star - Curious (1) Milan - Italy (1) Milli Vanilli - Blame It On The Rain (1) Minnie Riperton - Memory Lane (1) Minority relations (1) Minstel Show (1) Missing African American Women (7) Missing Persons (2) Mitt Romney for President (2) MLK (2) MLK Day (6) Mo Better Blues (1) Models (1) Mombasa (1) Monday (1) Money (2) MontrĆ©al (1) Montreal in autumn clothes (1) Moody's Mood for Love (1) Morehouse College (1) Mormons and Blacks (1) Morning (1) Morocco (1) Mothers (1) Mount Fuji (1) Mount Kilimanjaro (1) Mr Softie Ice Cream (1) MrsGrapevine (2) MSNBC (1) MTV (1) Music (9) Music Downloads (1) Music Saturday (11) Musical Youth - Pass The Dutchie (1) My Orchid (2) My Original Writing (5) Myself and I (1) N.Y. Giants (2) N.Y.C (6) NAACP (2) Nailah Franklin (5) Nancy Sinatra (1) Nashville (1) Natalie Merchant (1) Natalie Merchant - Carnival (1) Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten (1) National Secretaries Day (1) Native Americans (1) Natural Disaster (1) NBA (1) NBC (1) Negative Depictions Of Women Of Color (3) Negative Propaganda (2) Nena - 99 Luftballoons (1) Neo-Soul (1) Netherlands (1) Neutrogena Hand Cream (1) New Black Woman (1) New Edition - Boys to Men (1) New England Patriots (1) New Hampshire (1) New Jack City (1) New Jersey (1) New Jersey Turnpike (1) New Mexico (1) New Release (1) New York Citi Peech Boyz Don't Make Me Wait (1) New York City (3) News (11) News Corp. (1) NFL (1) Niagara Falls (2) Nicole Willis (2) No Woman No Cry (1) Nokulunga Buthelezi (1) Norah Jones (3) Notable Quotables (2) Nova Scotia (2) NPR (6) Nu Shooz I Can't Wait (1) NYC (2) O.J. Simpson (1) Odds and Ends (1) Odin (1) Offensive Cable Programming (1) Olbrich Gardens (1) Oleta Adams - Get Here (1) On Beauty (1) On Blogging (1) On... (18) One Of My Favorite People (4) Oprah (3) Orchids (3) Oregon (1) Oscars (1) OutKast (1) P.M. Dawn - Set Adrift On Memory Bliss (1) Paganism (1) Palindromes (1) Panic (1) Paris (9) Passion (2) Patrick Hernandez - Born to be alive (1) PBS (3) PCH (1) Peace On Earth (1) Pebbles - Mercedes Boy (1) Personal Day (1) Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls (1) PETA (1) Peter Brown - Do You Wanna Get Funky With Me? (1) Petronas Towers (2) Pfc. LaVena Johnson (1) Phalaenopsis Orchid (2) Phoenix Mercury (1) Photo Art (2) Photo Art Friday (3) Phyllis Hyman (5) Places I Would Like To Visit (1) Poetry (3) politics (3) Pookie (1) Pop and Politics (1) Pop Quiz (2) Portland (1) Portugal (1) Press play (2) Protest (4) Public Transportation (1) Puerto Rico (1) Purple Sky (1) Q1 Review (1) Queen Latifah (1) Queens (1) Questions (1) Quincy Jones - The Secret Garden (1) quizzes (1) Quotes (2) R and B (1) Racism (1) Radio (2) Radio Announcer (1) Radio D.J. New York City (1) Rainforest (1) Raising Victor Vargas (1) Ralph Nader (1) Rap Music (2) Rap Video Vixens (1) Ray Parker Jr - A Woman Needs Love (1) Re Posts (1) Reading (1) Ready for the World - Love You Down (1) Ready or Not (1) Ready To Wear (1) Really stupid people (1) Rebbie Jackson - Centipede (1) Recommended Viewing (5) Reginald Hudlin (1) Relationships (2) Religion (1) RenĆ© Syler (1) repost (1) Revolutionary Women (1) Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up (1) Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody (1) Rihanna (2) Rio de Janeiro (3) Rio de Janeiro at night (1) Rissi Palmer (1) Robert Palmer - Addicted To Love (1) Roberta Flack Donny Hathaway (1) Robin Roberts (1) Rock (1) Rockefeller Center (1) Rockers Revenge - Walking On Sunshine (1) Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me (1) Roll (1) Roy Ayers - Everybody Loves The Sunshine (1) Roy Ayers - Running Away (1) Rudy Giuliani (1) Rupert Holmes - Escape (The PiƱa Colada Song) (1) Rutgers (2) Saartjie Baartman (1) Sade Adu (5) Saint John Coltrane Church (1) Sally-Ann Roberts (1) Samoa (1) San Diego (1) San Diego At Night (1) San Francisco (4) San Francisco at night (1) San Juan (1) Santa Barbara (1) Santa Cruz (1) santorini Island (1) SƃO PAULO (1) Sapiosexual (1) Sarita Choudhury (2) Sasha Bratz (1) Saving (1) Scary Spice Mel B (1) schools (1) Scotland (1) Seals and Crofts - Summer Breeze (1) Seattle at Night (2) Secret Weapon - Must Be The Music (1) Self Destruction (1) Seoul at Night (1) Seychelles (1) Shalamar - Night to Remember (1) Sheila E - A Love Bizarre (1) Sheila Escovedo (1) Shirley Bassey (1) Shopping (2) Sideways (1) Silvercup Studios (1) Simon and Garfunkel - The Boxer (1) Sisters from other mothers (1) Skate (1) Slavery (1) Slick Rick - Children's Story (1) Sly and the Family Stone - Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) (1) smart car (1) Snap - The Power (1) Snow - Informer (1) Social Commentary (1) Social life (1) Songs For MLK Day (4) Songs I Love (209) Sony Television (1) Sophie Okonedo (1) Soul II Soul - Back To Life (1) Soulsonic Force feat. Afrika Bambaataa - Planet Rock (1) South Carolina (1) Soylent Green (1) Spain (1) Special Ed - I Got It Made (1) Special Videos (3) Spelman College (1) Spike Lee (1) Sports (10) Spring (1) St. Valentine's Day (7) Staceyann Chin (1) Starpoint - Object Of My Desire (1) Stepha Henry (1) Stephanie Mills - (You're Putting) A Rush On Me (1) Stetsasonic - Sally (1) Steve Fossett (1) Steve Miller Band - The Joker (1) Stoney Jackson (1) Strafe - Set it off (1) Strait of Hormuz (1) Studies About African America (1) Stuff (4) Subway Stories (1) Summer Rain (1) Sumner Redstone (3) Sunday Fun (1) Sunrise (1) Sunset (1) Super Tuesday (1) Superbowl (1) Surface - Closer Than Friends (1) Suriname (1) Susan Cagle (1) Svörtuloft (1) Sweden (1) Swin Cash (2) Swing Out Sister - Breakout (1) Symphony (1) Syracuse (1) Taj Mahal (1) Talented People I Like (2) Tales from the bus (2) Tanzania (1) Taral Hicks (1) Tears for water by Alicia Keys (1) Tech (1) Teena Marie - Behind The Groove (1) Tel Aviv-Yafo (1) Television (1) Tell Me (1) TEN CITY - DEVOTION (1) Terence Trent D'Arby (Sananda Maitreya) - Wishing Well (1) Terri Lynn Carrington (1) Terror Alerts (1) Terry Lewis (1) test (1) Tevin Campbell - Can We Talk (1) Thanksgiving (2) The 1985 Chicago Bears - The Super Bowl Shuffle (1) The Bevery Hillbillies (1) The Blackbyrds - Walking in Rhythm (1) The Blog Report (5) The Brothers Johnson - Land of Ladies (1) The Daily Voice (1) The Eiffel Tower at night (1) The Family - Screams of Passion (1) the FDA (1) The Fillmore (1) The Four Seasons (1) The Great Barrier Reef (1) The Great Mississippi Flood Of 1927 (1) The Happy Go Lucky Bachelor. Aaron McGruder (1) The Human Race (2) The Isley Brothers Voyage To Atlantis (1) The Jones Girls - You Gonna Make Me Love Somebody Else (1) The Neville Brothers (1) The Nile (1) The Police (1) The Roots - The Seed 2.0 (1) The Scream by Edvard Munch (1) The Shades of Love - Keep in Touch (Body To Body) (1) The Stylistics - People Make The World Go Round (1) The Supremes - Merry Christmas (1) The System - You Are In My System (1) The Twin Towers (1) The U.S. from space (1) The Ukraine (1) The Walt Disney Company (1) The Whispers - And The Beat Goes On (1) The White Stripes - Icky Thump (1) Then and Now (2) There But For The Grace of God Go I (1) There is no place like home (1) These Boots Are Made For Walkin' (1) Thompson Twins - Lies (1) Thoughts (73) Tiger Woods (1) Time Inc (1) TimeWarner (1) Timex Social Club - Rumors (1) TLC Unpretty (1) TLC - No Scrubs (1) Toledo Spain (1) Tom Ridge (1) Toni Braxton - Unbreak My Heart (1) Toronto at night (1) Toulouse (1) Track and Field (5) Tradition Of Excellence (1) Training Day (1) Transistor Radio (1) Travelling (2) Trinidad and Tobago (1) Try Again (1) Tupac Changes (1) Turks and Caicos (1) TV Theme Songs (1) Twofer Tuesday (4) Twofer Tuesday: Battle of the Classic Slow Jams - Reasons vs. Love T.K.O (1) Twofer Tuesday: Chaka Khan vs. Mary J Blige - Sweet Thing (1) Twofer Tuesday: I Shot The Sheriff : Bob Marley vs. Eric Clapton (1) Twofer Tuesday: I'll be there - Mariah vs. Michael (1) Twofer Tuesday: Lauryn Hill vs. Roberta Flack (1) Twofer Tuesday: Love Won't Let Me Wait - The Original or The Cover (1) Tyler Perry (1) U.S. Army Cover - Up (1) UCONN (1) Ugly Betty (1) Unbelievably sarcastic post (1) Undercover Black Man (2) Unknown Location (3) USA Today (1) Utah (1) Van Hool (1) Van Morrison Moondance (1) Vancouver BC (1) Varadero Cuba (1) Vaughn Mason and Crew - Bounce (1) Vegetarianism (1) Venice Italy At Night (1) Vermont (1) Veronica Cambell (1) Veronica Webb (2) Veterans Day (1) Viacom (3) Vicente Guerrero (1) Vikter Duplaix - Make A Baby (1) Violence Against African American Women (2) Violence Against Women Of Color (2) Violence On Campus (1) Virgin Islands (1) Vivaldi (1) Volkswagen (1) Volvo C30 (1) Vote (1) Wacky Wednesday: Songs with "I Like" in the tittle (1) Wanderlust (1) Waris Dirie (2) Washington Square Park (4) What About Our Daughters (4) What Black Men Think (1) What Columnists are Saying (3) What I'm Listening To This Week (3) What I'm Listening To This Weekend (1) What I'm Listening To Today (63) What I'm Watching This Weekend... (1) What I'm Watching Today (2) What Tami Said (4) What The.... File (2) What's Going On (1) Where is the Love (1) White castle (1) White Rap Music Buyers (1) Who Killed Benazir Bhutto? (1) Who Knew (1) Whodini - Big Mouth (1) Why Black Women Are Angry (1) Will and Jada (1) Will Smith (1) Willow (1) Window Shopping (1) Winter Solstice (1) Wisconsin (1) Wish feat. Fonda Rae - Touch me (all night long) (1) WNBA (4) WNBA Conference Finals (2) WNBA Finals (1) WNBA MVP (1) Woman's European Athelete Of The Year (1) Women (1) Women Leaders (1) Women's Sports (2) Word... (1) Words (5) work (2) Yaz Situation (1) Zanzibar (1) Zap Mama (2) Zhane' (1) Zoe Kravitz (1)

About Me

West Coast, United States
African American, Poet?, Vegetarian, Music lover, Agoraphobic, Social Phobic

My Favorite Poet

My Favorite Poet
Staceyann Chin

My Favorite Track Athlete

My Favorite Track Athlete
Christine Arron