For the past few weeks I have had the pleasure of accepting a ride to work with a co-worker about two days a week. I really enjoy being able to totally cool out in the mornings until 8:45 a.m. when he arives to pick me up. By car it takes only about five minutes to get to the office from my house.Here is the problem. The guy that has been giving me a ride, how shall I put this without sounding like a high-schooler, has a non-professional interest in me. How was that? I know this because he told someone at work and they told me. For those of you who haven't figured it out yet no one in an office can keep a secret. In fact I think gossips official headquarters is in every office in America.
Anyway, here is my question; is it wrong for me to continue to accept rides from this man knowing he has an agenda? I really love not taking the bus a few mornings a week. Normally when I arrive at work I have to allow myself five minutes to depressurize from my bus experience.
Also let's just say the guy in question is not my cup of tea? What is your advice?
And remember the bus can be traumatic!
Update: After reading your very thoughtful comments I have decided to; 1, Continue riding with my co-worker a couple of days a week. 2, Buy a pre-paid gas card and give it to him. 3, Offer the office rumor mill the info that I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone at work (because I'm much too professional for that).
So thanks everybody! Your advice really helped!
12 comments:
He is an adult and he is making a conscious decision to do this.
If he decides to try to 'up the ante' by asking you out and you don't give him happy news, he also has the right to decide to suddenly be "too busy" to give you a lift.
Either way, he's making his own choices and so are you.
So enjoy the ride--while it lasts!!
OH don't I know how traumatic the bus can be! I rode it for four years 7 days a week when I was in college in New Orleans. I still thank God that I finally got a car after I graduated.
What is the gas payment arrangement you have with this man? If you don't have one, maybe you could start one, that way you'll be paying, and nothing more can be said (it's doesn't have to be much). If he won't accept it, I don't know...just keep things "friendly firm," I guess. Good luck!
You go ahead and enjoy those leisurely rides to work, girl!!
You're not leading him on, right? If you were manipulating him into doing this kindness for you by, I don't know, openly flirting with him at work or subtly pushing your cleavage in his face - i.e. giving him false hope - as a means to get him to do stuff for you then that would be a different matter.
But it doesn't appear to be the case at all. It sounds like it's his choice. And you're just friends. You'd be silly not to accept. Enjoy!
As a guy who has had crushes on women, and the affection wasn't mutual I can say that I agree with what has been posted before. If he is offering you a ride to work, his feelings should have nothing to do with that situation. If he is giving you a ride ONLY because he likes you, then that is kind of a selfish reason to give some a ride. I would also say to make sure to pay part of the gas. That way it isn't like he can claim you were using him.
Most important, if he pops the question. Any kind of question about something more simply be honest with him. Most guys can take a no if it is honest and real. If you loose the ride then that is his problem not yours.
LOL, thats a real problem there. I have been on both ends of similar problems. My advice to you is that if you do not like him, nip it in the bud. If he has romantic feelings for you it is only a matter of time when the topic comes up in one of those car rides, a perfect setting.
Send the word back through the office grapevine why you stop taking rides. He will get the hint. And if he is mature he will still offer the ride no strings attached.
Sorry you have to get back on the bus, LOL.
I say take the ride. If he crosses the line, be honest and open with him. Enjoy.
Ta hell with the bus. I'm with Randi, offer to pay for gas and have a pat answer if he asks you out!
Thanks you for posting the basketball scores of my favorite college woemn's teams, just add UCLA and we'll be all set!!!!
DMB,
"He also has the right to decide to suddenly be "too busy" to give you a lift."
(lol) That's true but he definitely won't get happy news!
Randi,
I think, after reading comments that I'm going to buy a gas card and just give it to him. He'll have to take it since I don't have a car.
Shelly,
He's not getting anything near false hope! (lol) I have a very professional demeanor with him.
Ehav,
Thanks for the male perspective. I will be honest if it comes up and I still have my bus pass!
CinMike,
"Send the word back through the office grapevine why you stop taking rides. He will get the hint. And if he is mature he will still offer the ride no strings attached."
Now that's a thought. Except maybe I'll just put the word in the gossip mill and see if he comes up with an excuse to stop giving me a ride. If I decline before hand it will tip him off that I already know he has an interest.
Tekoa,
Exactly, that's the conclusion I'm coming to.
Professor Tracey,
I already have my lines down in case he asks me out! (lol)
No problem on the scores. (lol) I'll see what I can do about adding UCLA.
MDC: It's really already been said here in one way or another, but I say take the ride. At this point, the "crush" is hearsay - you have not heard it first hand. Take the ride until he says something.
If you had never heard from another co-worker that he is interested you wouldn't even have to consider the conflict. Continue to accept the ride and if and when his true feelings come up, then you can deal with it.
I am late I see! I agree w/Randi. If your paying a bit then it takes any possible feelings out of it.
w/o paying (even with paying) over exposure will eventually lead to laughter..lightheadedness.. jesting.. more and more oxytocin relwease and..... lol
Lisa and Janie,
That's true I don't have direct knowledge of his interest, just hearsay.
So the plan is to never let it come up in a conversation between he and I!
Miriam,
"w/o paying (even with paying) over exposure will eventually lead to laughter..lightheadedness.. jesting.. more and more oxytocin relwease and..... lol"
(lol) I don't think so!
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